Scenes from my so-called life

Yung masaya ako at makulit pag nakikipag kwentuhan. Yung kumakanta ako dahil wala lang at walang pakialam kung san at kung sino makadinig. Yung mapapaindak na lang ako habang nakikinig sa pangsayaw na tugtugin. Yung malaya ako.

I have tried doing things their way and I'm unhappy. To hell with that then. I'm doing it my way from here on end.

She's hunched over yet another case for the day, her forehead creased, a sigh escaping her lips once in a while. She knows the answers, much like she knows the answers to all the other cases awaiting her attention. What she lacks are four more hands and more funding. Whatever could be spared her first is welcome. It would be safer to bet on the extra hands. But then she beams as the next patient slowly peeks through the door. The farrows on her forehead disappear and the sighs are replaced with a flash of white as her lips part for a smile.

April 19, 2012 After allowing my anger and my bitterness, I have come to realize that what I was after from the beginning was to love her and ensure her happiness. And if she feels loved and happy now, I guess I got what I wished for anyway. It's just unfortunate that I am not the one doing the loving and making her happy. But it's more unfortunate that I was not the one chosen to be loved and made happy back. But that's life. I did say I'll respect her choice. So I'll respect it now. Besides, I have already gone through the motions. Allowing my feelings apparently helps me gain peace faster. However, just to be clear, I was hurt by what she did. I felt slighted being cut off and left to wonder what was happening and if I did something to offend her. It was also painful to have learned of developments from other sources instead of straight from her. I was hurt that she could not talk to me about it. I was expecting her to be better than that. But I...

You know it's time for a change. You know it's time to step out of your comfort zone. So, what are you waiting for? Let's go!

After what happened two years ago, the second of August is remembered by most people as the day after President Cory died. But not me. I remember it quite differently. Two years ago today, I remember being awoken by Ate Nora at around three in the morning because your bed pad needed changing and you did not have the energy to get out of bed. I remember having to carry you as they replaced your pad. I remember having brunch at 11:00 a.m. because I got up late. I remember you having trouble breathing but that was often the case then so we were not that worried. I remember even offering you banana bread from Mer-Nel's, which you ate. I remember thinking after, that you were going to be fine. I remember putting in the Before Sunset DVD because I didn't want to watch the coverage of Cory's wake. I remember thinking that it only serves to remind me of your condition and that I didn't want anything to do with those kinds of outcomes. I remember Mama Lulu coming over at ar...

Nans, You are my greatest loss. Leaving my job, leaving my colleagues and friends, losing all these is nothing compared to losing you. You had been my sunshine. You had always been my pillar; my fountain of strength; my inspiration; my guide. No, not had been. You are. I love you. And you loved me. You still do. I can still feel you around me. Without you, I don't know what to do next. When I lost you, I lost my way. I'm done with the OVP. It's our turn now. I don't know what awaits me. All I know is, I want to find my way. It's time to let go of your hand. It's time to let go of you. Hopefully, after then, I'll find my way again.