Scenes from my so-called life

Dear Nans, I would have wanted to do this later tonight, but let’s face it. I won’t be able to get anything else done for today unless I finish this first. They say, acceptance comes before understanding. And while I know that to be true, and that there is no other course but to accept that you’re gone, I sometimes still find myself finding it hard to comprehend why you had to exit so early. But then, I did hold your hand in that ambulance and I told you that you could let go if hanging on was already becoming unbearable.  It would have been selfish of me to have asked you to keep on. I would much rather see you go with your spirit unbroken rather than have you stay and let cancer reduce you to a shell of your former self. My friends called you Sunshine. I will not have my Sunshine give way to darkness. You fought ever so courageously until the end. And I know you fought because of me, AB, Tatay and the multitude of people you touched with your love. Thank you....

Sa lahat ng mga nanay, mabuhay po kayo! Alam namin, hindi niyo lang sinasabi o pinapahalata, pero marami na kayong sakripisyong ginawa mabigyan lang kaming mga anak at anak-anakan ninyo ng mas maginhawang buhay. Alam namin na gusto niyo din sana ng 2pc chicken joy pero dahil gusto pa namin ng fried chicken, binibigay niyo na lang samin yung isa, may kasama pang ngiti. Alam namin na gusto niyo pa sanang matulog pero inuunahan niyo na ang mga manok sa paggising para lang maihanda ang mga baon at gamit namin para sa eskwela o trabaho. Alam namin na maraming beses niyo na kaming gustong kutusan pero laging hinahabaan niyo pa ang pisi ninyo at pag-unawa. Alam namin na nagdurugo puso ninyo pag kami ay nabibigo o nasasaktan pero kayo pa ang unang yayakap sa amin at magsasabing, “Kaya mo yan.” Alam namin ang sikreto ninyo, kahit puspusan ang pagtatago ninyo nito. Kayong mga nanay namin, kayo ay mga tunay na superhero. At alam namin na utang namin sa inyo...

Ihahatid kita Ng may buong pagmamahal Sa kung saan puno ng saya Kung saan puno ng kapayapaan Doon, ihahatid kita Ihahatid kita Ng may buong pagmamahal Kung saan ikaw ay mangingiti Sa lahat ng makikita, sa lahat ng madadama Doon, ihahatid kita Ihahatid kita  Ng may buong pagmamahal Hawak ang iyong kamay Ako ang iyong magiging gabay Doon, ihahatid kita Ihahatid kita  At ako ay mamamaalam Dahil sa kung saan ka pupunta Sadyang ikaw ay kailangang mauna Ihahatid lang muna kita Ihahatid kita At maiiwan muna ako dito Taglay ang buong pagmamahal sayo Ako ay ngingiti at bibitaw na Ihahatid lang muna kita Ihahatid kita ngayon Ngunit sa pagsapit ng aking dapithapon Ako ay umaasa Na may buong pagmamahal Na susunduin mo naman ako. *Para sa mahal kong nanay sa araw ng paglaya ng kanyang kaluluwa mula sa kanyang katawan.

I am BJ. Son of Cecilia. Grandchild of Florentina. Like them I do not know what it means to give up. While I may sometimes lose heart and stumble, I know how to get up and try again.  At my weakest, I turn to my God and to myself for love and hope.  My family and my friends are my fountains of strength and my sources of peace . As long as blood flows through my veins and love fills my heart, I will push on.