Scenes from my so-called life

You know it's time for a change. You know it's time to step out of your comfort zone. So, what are you waiting for? Let's go!

After what happened two years ago, the second of August is remembered by most people as the day after President Cory died. But not me. I remember it quite differently. Two years ago today, I remember being awoken by Ate Nora at around three in the morning because your bed pad needed changing and you did not have the energy to get out of bed. I remember having to carry you as they replaced your pad. I remember having brunch at 11:00 a.m. because I got up late. I remember you having trouble breathing but that was often the case then so we were not that worried. I remember even offering you banana bread from Mer-Nel's, which you ate. I remember thinking after, that you were going to be fine. I remember putting in the Before Sunset DVD because I didn't want to watch the coverage of Cory's wake. I remember thinking that it only serves to remind me of your condition and that I didn't want anything to do with those kinds of outcomes. I remember Mama Lulu coming over at ar

Nans, You are my greatest loss. Leaving my job, leaving my colleagues and friends, losing all these is nothing compared to losing you. You had been my sunshine. You had always been my pillar; my fountain of strength; my inspiration; my guide. No, not had been. You are. I love you. And you loved me. You still do. I can still feel you around me. Without you, I don't know what to do next. When I lost you, I lost my way. I'm done with the OVP. It's our turn now. I don't know what awaits me. All I know is, I want to find my way. It's time to let go of your hand. It's time to let go of you. Hopefully, after then, I'll find my way again.

Alam mo, minsan talaga may mga bagay lang na kailangan mong gawin ng walang kaplano-plano. Dahil kung hihintayin mo pang sumakto o umayon ang lahat sa plano mo, malalaman mo nalang na lumipas na ang pagkakataong magawa mo sana yung gusto mo. Di naman mahirap ang buhay. O sige, sige, minsan talaga may mga unos. Pero alam mo bang ikaw din ang nagpapahirap sa mga bagay tuwing ikaw ay hindi kumikilos ayon sa puso mo? Kung lagi ka nalang magpapadala sa mga sumpong ng utak mo, ginagawa mo lang mas komplikado ang kalbaryo mo. Kaibigan, minsan subukan mong tumalon nalang kung yun ang sinasabi sa kaibuturan ng puso mo. Mapapansin mo nalang na ang lahat ng takot na pinaniniwalaan mo ay hindi totoo. Nasindak ka lang siguro ng sigaw ng utak mo. Ngayong nahaharap ka sa isa muling pagsubok sa buhay mo, huwag ka nang matakot at magpatakot. Sadyang mapaglaro at makulit lang ang utak mo. Subukan mong bitawan ang mga paniniwala mong walang mangyayari sa buhay mo nang malaman mong sa gagaw

1. Would you like to dance?/ Hold me in your sweet embrace/ Swing to the music 2. It was like this then/ I was uncertain, anxious/ But you give me hope/ 3. Di ko naisip/ Na magkakaganito/ Di na lang sana/ 4. I would like to glimpse/  the great possibilities/  in your deep brown eyes

Gaya nga ng sabi ko dati, kung ako si Superman, ikaw yung yellow sun ko. Kung ako si Batman, ikaw yung utility belt. Kung ako si Spider-Man, ikaw yung radioactive spider. At kung ako si Captain Barbell (para may local superhero naman), ikaw yung barbell. Ikaw ang pinagmumulan ng super powers ko. Ikaw ang aking inspirasyon. Ikaw ang pinaghuhugutan ko ng lakas, mula pa noon hanggang ngayon. Proud ako dahil anak ako ng nanay ko. Mahal kita, Nans! Happy Nanay's day!

Frail. Scared. Hopeful. Loving. Dejected. Happy. Inspired. Despairing. Confused. Certain. Unsure. Confident. Loved. Judged. Judgmental. Affectionate. Angry. Surprised. Gifted. Insecure. Nice. Naughty. Horny. Frigid. Mirthful. Delighted. Strong. Masterful. Imaginative. Proud. Disappointed. Here. Little. Big. Tired. Lost. Searching. Mindful. Thoughtful. Faithful. Friendly. Lovable... Care to add anything? I'm sure I'm that, too. 

...that I find solace in you?

My previous blog/online journal: http://alreddish.multiply.com/journal

Oh well. Back to the drawing board.

Girl no. 1 - I missed you today more than the usual. Girl no. 2 - I can't figure you out. It's annoying and amusing at the same time. Demet!