Scenes from my so-called life

The more things change, the more things stay the same.   We may all have grown up and set out on different adventures. We may have met new people and have done new things. We may have found love, gotten married, borne children. We may have had our hearts broken and mended. We may have not seen each other for eons and have collected volumes of stories. But then, we still find each other and return home.   The doors are still open. The smiles are still as bright. The shared laughter is still as resounding and hearty. The stories are still as vivid and exciting. But more importantly, the love and the friendship are still as strong, if not stronger.   Call me a sentimental fool, it doesn’t matter. I’m just grateful to be part of an amazing group of people put together and bonded under a letter and a number. While each of us has his or her share of quirks and idiosyncrasies, they just serve to make our group even greater, more vibrant, more fun. Our myriad personalities make

Sana i-declare na walang pasok sa 24. Please, Lord! Dahil gusto ko pong lumayas, mag-roadtrip, fumly, umeskapo at kaladkarin ang aking puso't diwa bago mag Pasko. Please? Salamat po.

Sunud-sunod ang mga pangyayari. Ang daming inpormasyong kailangang iproseso. Madaming emosyong nagkakahalo-halo. Time out muna. May kailangan lang balansihin. Pero ayos pa din. Swabe pa din ang buhay.

November 23, 2007 Friday ICRD Office 4:45 p.m., sa tapat ng PC ko. - Bigla akong nagka-overwhelming feeling na maayos ang lahat sa mundo at nakangiti't nakaakbay nanaman sa akin si Lord.  Ito yata yung tinatawag nilang moment of bliss.   Di ko lang alam kung dahil ito sa Friday ngayon at alam kong walang pasok bukas at workshop day ulit, o dahil nakikinig ako sa upbeat tunes, o dahil kanina ko pa kinakanta ang affirmation na, "I am love. I am loved. I am lovable. And I am loving", habang  iniisip yung assignment ko para sa workshop bukas. 4:47 p.m. - Nagpasalamat ako kay Lord kasi alam kong napaka-ganda ng buhay ko at paganda pa siya ng paganda. 4:50 p.m. - "Petix" ng Kamikazee ang sumunod na tugtugin sa Winamp ko. Nang marinig ko ang linyang "Relax ka lang", lalo akong napangiti at lalong nasiyahan sa buhay ko. 5:00 p.m. - Matapos namnamin ang moment of bliss ay naisipan kong mag-blog para mag-share lang. At ito na nga siya. Salamat, Lord! Ayos Ka tal

After a week it seems that, aside from me and Frank, no one else could commit to a November 30 trip. We kinda forgot that most of our media practitioner friends do not have holidays and often have work on Saturdays. Therefore, we have decided to reschedule the trip. However, kami naman ang di pwede ng December 2, which is when most of you can go. Hehe. In any case, paguuntugin muna namin ulit ni Frank ang ulo namin to come up with a schedule and itinerary that will benefit the most people (note: most, hindi lahat, as we have agreed that it's impossible to please everybody). we will inform you ASAP what we come up with. Oks ba yon? Maraming salamat. :) Meanwhile, Tarra has an outstanding invitation to watch Enchanted. Anyone want to watch a movie? Moreover, I heard through the grapevine that Tarra is going to organize an Enchanted Kingdom trip. Di ba Tarra? Hehe.

Oo, jologs na kung jologs! Baduy na kung baduy! Pero manonood pa din ako ng One More Chance! Di ako magpapapigil! Di papasupil! Bea and John Lloyd forever!

Frank and I have talked and have come up with a proposal for another backpacking adventure. What: Backpacking trip passing through the Eastern Route. When: Proposed date is November 30, 2007 Where: The Eastern Route will take us through municipalities in Rizal and Laguna including: Cainta, Antipolo, Taytay, Morong, Teresa, Pililia, Mabitac, Famy and Siniloan. Meanwhile, we propose that we then pass through the South Luzon Expressway on the way home. Through this route we will then pass more municipalities in Laguna including: Pakil, Pangil, Paete, Kalayaan, Lumban, Pagsanjan, Sta. Cruz, Pila, Victoria, Bae, Los Baños, and Calamba. Where (specifically): We could drop by at: Coffee Stop - a quaint art gallery/coffee shop at Pililia, Rizal. There's also a garden beside it and a spectacular view of rice paddies behind the shop. View Ridge - an area/stopover place beside the highway at Pililia, Rizal where one has a bird's eye view of Laguna Lake and the mountain ranges passed thro

Kailan kayo huling... ...naglaro ng taguan? ...nag luksong baka o luksong tinik? ...umakyat ng puno? ...tumambay sa playground at nag swing, nag slide, nag see-saw o nag monkey bars? ...naglaro ng jackstones? ...naglaro ng moro-moro/agaw base/habulan? ...naglaro ng syato? ...nag ten-twenty o Chinese garter? ...naglaro ng sipa? ...naglangit-lupa/shake-skake shampoo/bente uno? ...nag-touching? ...nag patintenro? ...nag jumping rope? ...nag pick up sticks? ...nag text (na ang gamit ay mga maliliit na cards at hindi cellphone)? Naaalala niyo pa ba? Di niyo ba namimiss gawin?

Ilan sa mga terms na malimit gamitin sa tropa. Para kung sakali na makasama niyo kami, maintindihan niyo sinasabi namin. 1. diyos ng Intsik – titulo ng lima sa aming tropa. Makakamit ang titulo na ito matapos gawin ang ritwal ng paginom ng tubig, bilang chaser sa alak, mula sa asul na cornflakes bowl na may mukha. Dapat nagiinuman sa Filipina apartments para dito. Bawat isa sa limang diyos ng Intsik ay may designation and they are as follows:  a. Pyro god – ang in charge na magdala lagi ng lighter o kahit anong pang sindi ng yosi b.Doobie god – ang pinaka wala sa sarili lagi. Kumbaga ay parang high lagi. At ang laging pasimuno ng laugh trip. c. Gay god – pinakamukhang barako pero mistulang bakla ang paguugali. d. Darkness god – pinakamaitim sa aming lahat e. Hydro god – yung may—ari ng private pool resort at ang laging takbuhan ng mga umiiyak na katropang babae. 2. Erms at erps – term namin sa mga parents na

Nagkita-kita kami ng mga kaibigan ko mula UPLB. May matagal na panahon na din mula ng huli kaming magkasama-sama, kaya naman excited ang lahat, lalo pa at si Goldine ang nagtawag (note: bawal tumanggi sa yaya ni Goldine. Ang salita ni Goldine ay batas.). Doon kami nagkita-kita sa may Shangri-La Mall, sa may gimik strip doon (pasensya di ko alam tawag don.). Natuwa ako at may nakasama akong mga taong dugong LB ang dumadaloy sa ugat. Siyempre, kainan at inuman ang drama, dagdagan mo pa ng sangkaterbang kakulitan. Napakasaya talaga, minsan lang makabalik sa sirkulasyon. Gaya ng inaasahan, umapaw ang beer. Minsan lang ako magkaroon ng pagkakataon makipag-inuman sa mga taga LB kaya naman nilasap ko na ang pagkakataon (note: wala pa, sa talambuhay ko, akong kakilalang taga UP Diliman na nakayang sabayan ako sa inuman.). Lubos akong nasiyahan, at medyo nabitin, dahil matapos ang aking ikawalong bote ng San Mig Light ay nagyaya ng maguwian. Kaya niyaya ko muna si Gingy mag-Mini Stop para makap

Sale ang tickets sa Enchanted Kingdom hanggang November 30! P380 nalang ulit ang all-access ticket in celebration of EK's 12th anniversary. Kailangan mapagsamantalahan ang pagkakataon na ito! Syet! Last ko yatang punta ng EK high school pa. Alpha One Cowboy pa nasa Rialto at wala pa ang Rio Grande Rapids. Kailangan makabalik na ako. Nakakahiya, taga Laguna pa naman ako. EK na itow! (note: dapat bayaran ako ng EK sa pag-plug sa kanila.)

Kung totoong nangyayari ang mga nasa commercial ng safeguard, bigla nalang may lilitaw sa aking tabi at magsasabing “Red, ako ang iyong konsensiya. Mag-adventure naman tayo, plis!” Sa loob-loob ko kasi yan ang trip ko, ang makahanap ng adventure o kaya ng bagong challenge. Sa kanyang simplest form, gusto ko maglayas at magliwaliw. Naisip ko kasi, hindi ko namamaximize ang kaladkarin powers ko. Mas madalas kasi, lamang-bahay lang ako. Di naman sa nagrereklamo ako. Masarap matulog, magbasa, manood ng TV sa bahay. Kaso kating-kati na ang mga paa kong makalabas ng bahay. At mukhang tapos na ako sa phase na umiikot ang buhay ko sa mall kaya di pwedeng don nalang ako pupunta. Nararamdaman ko na kasi na tinatawag na ako ni Mama Earth. Yun nga lang, konti lang ang trip ko puntahan dito sa Maynila na Mama Earth inspired. Napaka-polluted kasi dito sa lungsod at kitang-kita ang pagka-alipusta kay Mama Earth. Kung tutuusin, UP Diliman Campus na ang paborito kong ko dito dahil doon na a

Yan ang tawag sayo ng isang kabarkada ko.   Natawa ako nung sinabi niya yon at naramdaman ko ang implied message na, “Tanga ka, tol!” sa boses niya. Palibhasa kasi di pa din siya naniniwalang posible at nagagawa natin na platonic ang ating relasyon.   Nakakatawa lang kasi minsan dahil marami tayong kaibigan at kakilala na may pagka sexual ang perspective sa ideya ng relasyon. Pwede naman kasing hindi ganon ang siste. It’s just a matter of choice. Sa tingin ko, sa parte kasi natin, pinili nating ibase ang ating relasyon sa taos-pusong pagmamahal, pagtitiwala sa isa’t-isa at respeto, at hindi sa libog.   Oo, alam ko at alam mo din na tao lang tayo at minsan pumapalya ang mga prinsipyo’t desisyon natin. Sabi nga, tao lang eh. Pero ang gusto ko sa atin binabalikan natin ang ginawa nating pundasyon ng ating pagkakaibigan at kaya nating patawarin ang ating sarili at ang isa’t-isa kung may matisod man satin. Kaya nating magpakatotoo sa isa’t-isa at di natin ginagawang komplikad

For an entire week I won't be going to work. Thank God for whoever came up with mandatory leave. This is a great opportunity to catch up on my reading, sleeping and lazing around. I can also go to maximum kaladkarin mode. One week of freedom. It's quite fortunate as well that Nhinya's going home from Singapore this week. We have lots of catching up to do and now we have the opportunity to spend time with each other. One more kaladkarin person, my beloved partner in crime. This week is going to be awesome, with Ma'am Day's birthday topping it off on Saturday. Now, I wonder if I'll really be able to read, sleep or laze around. It seems I'll be busy running about. Oh well, I'm sure it's going to be a fun week. :)

Napulot ko lang kay Jeco. It's quite amusing. hehe. Your Most Personal Traits -- The Day-Sign of Your Birth Here are your strongest and most obvious personality traits. The delineation below describes who you are and how you appear to others, at least on the surface. In Aztec astrology this part of is your horoscope is your Tonalli, or Day-Sign, the form bestowed upon you by the Sun. Lizard: You are a true individual. You compromise only under extreme pressure, and then resent it if you have to. You often attract attention by being different, but this action often meets your "performance needs." More often, you are simply too involved in your own interests to even care what other people think about you. Because you have a strong desire to appear before the public in some way, it is highly likely that you do work that is creative or performance oriented, and you are probably very competent, possibly outstanding, at what you do. Your standards are alw

I miss you. It’s been eight months since we last had coffee and talked. I miss hanging out with you.   I miss talking to you. I love how we could talk about anything and everything, whether or not they make sense. I miss how we could make sense of senseless things and see the senselessness of things with sense.   I miss the way I laugh when we’re together. I don’t get to laugh as heartily as often as before.   I miss our road trips. I miss how we’d get in a car without any plans but to drive around. Then we’d have this crazy idea to go somewhere and we just go there. I have always believed they’re a healthier way of addressing our escapist tendencies.   I miss having someone I could tell my secrets to, and not just the naughty kind of secrets revealed in locker rooms (although I still tell you those), all secrets. When I’m with you I can be my true self. You know how stupid I can be and you know all the dirty laundry I keep, but you have stuck with me nevertheless. Y

Gilet By Titik-O Rapapapapapapa Rapapa(2X) Magkasama tayo kagabi Nag-iinuman sa tabi-tabi Kwentong trabaho ang usapan Ewan ko bakit nahaluan Rapapapampampampam(3x) Rapapam May bago pa tayong naisipan Nagsama na tayo ng kaibigan Diretso sa ating tambayan Ewan ko bakit nahaluan Refrain: Samu’t-saring kalokohan Tumatakbo sa ‘ting isipan Dagdagan pa ang inuman Ituloy ang kasiyahan Ewan ko ba’t nahaluan Chorus: Rapapapampampampam(3x) (Bata ka pa) Rapapam (2x) Kaibigan nati’y nagpaalam Pagod nya’y di mapigilan -at tayo’y naiwan na Unti-unti nating gisingin Naglalaro sa ‘ting damdamin -di ba’t yan ang panalangin Refrain: Samu’t-saring kalokohan Tumatakbo sa ‘ting isipan Hwag na nating pipigilan Ang gulong ng kapalaran Simulan na ang pagmamahalan. Repeat Chorus …Rapapa to fade

Marahil ay hindi kumpleto ang buhay estudyante ko kung wala ang Sarah’s. Isang kahunghangan kung ni isang beses di ako pumunta dito. Ang Sarah’s lang marahil ang lugar sa UP Diliman campus na nagpapadama sa akin ng essence ng UPLB campus, ang essence ng inumang walang humpay. Kaya naman di ako masyadong naho-homesick noon.   Parang UPLB din ang atmosphere sa Sarah’s. Napakasimple ng disenyo ng lugar, samu’t-saring mga lamesang gawa sa kahoy o semento ang nakakalat dito. Nakapalibot naman sa mga lamesa ang mga monoblock chairs o kaya’y mga bangko kung saan ang mga Isko at Iska mula sa iba’t-ibang kolehiyo ng Unibersidad ay nakaupo at nakabilog.   Pati presyo ng alak, presyong probinsya. Para sa mga katulad kong di mahilig sa mga bar, kung saan di makatarungan ang presyo ng beer, Sarah’s is the place to be pag nasa Diliman area. Malayo na ang mararating ng isang daan mo.   Hindi masyadong maingay sa Sarah’s dahil residential ang palibot, bawal ang sobrang ingay. Pinapagalit

We kicked ass!   Ang sakit ng lalamunan ko, leche! Wala na ako halos boses, pero lahat ng pagsigaw at pag-chant kahapon ay worth it dahil panalo ang UP Pep Squad sa Cheer Dance Competition. Tapos na ang five-year reign ng UST (Although, I admire the Salinggawi Dance Troupe for putting on a good show).   I haven’t cheered that hard for a long time. Iba talaga pag may school spirit, madadala ka talaga sa energy ng crowd. Damang-dama talaga ang school pride. It kind of makes the dismal 0-14 win-loss card of the basketball team fade into the background. We have always been contenders for the cheer dance so never mind kung kulelat tayo sa basketball.   I had fun chanting the U-nibersidad ng Pilipinas cheer kasama ang sandamakmak na Iskolar ng Bayan. May passion talaga. And I was proud to sing the UP hymn after the UP Pep Squad received the trophy. I haven’t sung that song for a long time, too.   The crown is back where it belongs. It is back home. UP FIGHT!   Next year

Please! Kung sino mang may alam kung san pa meron (ubos na daw agad yung sa araneta kahapon in under one hour!). I need three tickets! Baka may pwedeng makatulong sakin! Salamat.

I know it's my own fault and I'm sorry. But I'm more sorry for me. I could have. I really could have, couldn't I? But I could only heave a sigh now. A long, drawn out sigh. On the other hand, I could still smile and even laugh as I shake my head. At least I could still do both. Well, as they say, "Ces't la vie." And as we say, "Que sera sera, whatever will be, will be." You know, we really ought to give credit to that song's composer. I could still smile when you smile. I could still laugh when you laugh. But there's something new I could do now. I could let it go and let you be happy. Don't worry about me. I can still be happy. I choose to be happy. And it's not like I'm gone or you're gone. I'm still going to be just around. Take care, my friend. I should've known, stones could only skip for so long.

I AM 62% OPTIMUS PRIME Take the Transformers Quiz Optimus Prime Optimus Prime is the heroic leader of the Autobots. He is the personification of courage, strength, and integrity. His personal motto is that “Freedom is the right of all sentient beings.” Like Optimus Prime, you are good by nature. But beware because mischievous thoughts sometimes tempt you. You are inspiring, confident, and a natural leader. The Autobots have chosen well. In addition, you use technology when you need to, but you do not embrace the latest trends.

Dear You, Do you know how long I've been looking for you? Very long, perhaps even too long. But I found you and that's what counts. I didn't expect to see you there, of all places. But you were there and I'd have been a fool not to grab the chance to talk to you again. I am happy that I went over to where you were. You seem to be the same person I came to know back then. You didn't seem to have changed. But I know you have had your share of changes still. I'd sure like to hear about them. I missed you. I'm glad I saw you again. I hope to see you yet again soon. It's been a long time but all the wait has been worth it. Things were different before but perhaps now is the right time, right space and right sequence for this. Thank God. I finally found you. Sincerely, Me

Sunday afternoon. Lots of time in my hands and I was spending it by watching the final episode of Shaider, that iconic space sheriff, on YouTube. I could not help but crack a stupid grin as I watched him beat the crap out of Fuuma Lear’s big, fat, ugly a...uhh…head.   ‘Let’s see you shigi-shigi your way out of a Shaider Super Slash, you scum of the universe, who lays eggs through your mouth, evil monster,’ I thought as the fight scenes began.   There is Shaider in his shiny blue battle armor challenging Fuuma Lear to a duel. Fuuma accepts and reveals his mechanical body. At first he seems to be more than a match for Shaider but Shaider gains some resolve and is able to parry Fuuma’s attacks.   The battle rages, Fuuma commences the time-space warp and they end up at the gravel-filled site at the bottom of a gorge. Then, this flying battle cruiser, shaped like Fuuma’s head, comes flying in firing a salvo at poor Alexis. Fuuma gets the upper hand. But not for long.   “V

I used this as a status message on YM. I have two takers so far. I was able to read Jeco's post Remind me to hug you when I see you and found out about the Free Hugs Campaign started by a Juan Mann (pseudonym of the guy) in Sydney, Australia. Upon further research in Wikipedia and actually visiting the official website I was inspired to give free hugs too. I mean it has been said that touch therapy, which includes hugs by the way, is essential to the development of babies and even adult individuals and hugging is one quick way to foster a caring, loving feeling and attitude. I'm starting with my family and friends first. I don't have the guts yet to go public like the others who are hardcore free huggers already. Baby steps first until I get really comfortable with the idea. Things will happen at the right time, right space and right sequence. It's nice to be hugged. My friends and I often do this. We do this in our families. There ought to be more hugs going around in

Nanood ulit ako kagabi ng Transformers, kasama friend kong si Joy (sana na-enjoy naman niya. hehe) dahil nga idol ko si Optimus Prime (kahit na hindi yung movie incarnation ang gusto kong Prime kundi yung original sa cartoons, yung may Matrix of leadership.*geek alert!*). Gusto ko lang sabihin na tama nga si Kai on her review: Transformers (...more the beady eye...) kahit dalawang beses ko na napanood eh i was still grinning like an idiot the entire movie. There really must be something about transforming robots and testosterone. hehe. Kahit napanood ko na naeexcite pa din ako lalo na pag alam kong malapit na yung mga action scenes. Natatawa pa din ako sa mga jokes kahit alam ko na nasasaihin. At di ako makapaghintay don sa scene na pinatugtog ni Bumblebee yung "Baby Come Back." Kailan kaya yung sequel? Mabuhay ka Optimus Prime! "One shall stand! One shall fall!"

Nag wall-climbing kami ng friend at journ batchmate kong si Jeco kagabi. Feel ko kasi maging sporty kaya I've resolved to take up mga ganitong chorva. Frank (journ friend at Banahaw tropa) was supposed to come with us kaso he injured his right hand kaya nag-pass muna siya. Napaka-yabang ko pa naman pag dating ko sa Rockwell. I was determined to climb the wall with the 90-degree inclined part sa PlayUnderground. Akala ko kasi sisiw lang yon. I mean, what's so hard about climbing an effing wall? So ayon na. Jeco and I got our gear and suited up (Sort of. Harness lang naman yon eh.) We were taught how to belay at pagkatapos ng tig-isang practice climb sa "beginner wall" we were left to our own devices. We climbed the beginner course again just to practice what we've learned. Potek! Walang kachallenge-challenge. So we moved to the more advanced courses. Wala din masyadong kwenta yung isang wall. Malalaki kasi at malalapit ang placement nung mga "stone

Minds half twisted   I open the door to a grinning Reena.   “Tousled hair, blood-shot and crusty eyes, last night’s shirt and jeans. Good morning, Saf. Slept well?” she says.   I grimace and motion for her to come in. I clear up the mess on the couch, offer Reena a seat, wipe the coffee table clean, rub my eyes of morning glory.   “You have to excuse my room. I meant for housekeeping to come earlier. What time is it?” I ask as I plop down on the sofa next to her. “Want anything to drink? Orange juice? Coffee?”   “It’s 9:30 , sleepy-head. And you forgot to take this off the door knob.” She throws the ‘Don’t disturb’ sign on the table. “Anyway, I’m good, thanks. I already had breakfast. You should, too.”   “I’m not hungry. I need more sleep. Shouldn’t have taken up Dex’s offer to go to that bar. Damn it.”   She looks at me incredulously. I look back, groggy and indifferent.   “It’s rude to stare, especially if what you’re staring at is in all his morning

Wala. naalala ko lang yung Bioman. Ba't ganon? Astig para sakin ang Bio Team pero kangkarot naman ang Power Rangers. Ba't ganon? Idol ko si Alexis at gusto kong maging tulad ni Shaider na Pulis Pangkalawakan. Pero galit din ako sa kanya dahil kasama niya si Ani. Life is unfair. Asan ka, Ani ng buhay ko? Ba't ganon? Naisipian nilang gawing tipaklong si Masked Rider Black. Di ba pwedeng alupihan nalang? At mas astig sana kung ni-retain niya nalang yung orig niyang pangalang Black Sun. Hay, sana ako din may king stone. Ba't ganon? Ang hirap manalo sa Takeshi's Castle. Ba't ganon? Pag sumigaw na ng "Laser sword!" si Voltes V at "Double Blizzard" si Daimos, 80% of the time panalo na sila. Ang bopols naman gumawa ng Beast Fighters ng Bozanians at Brahmins kahit na mas advance teknolohiya nila. Ba't ganon? Sa pwet lumalabas ang machine gun ni Astro Boy. Parang obscene. Ba't ganon? Di nila tinapos yung Time Quest. Asan na si Tak

Say something brilliant “What’s the square root of 2?” Cathy asks from out of nowhere as we are walking back to her apartment. I answer with a blank stare. “Well? A little help here,” she presses. “You’re not actually, seriously considering that I can possibly answer that question, do you?” I manage to blabber after snapping out of my stupor. “What? It’s a simple question.” “Sure, if I were Einstein. Ask me about useless trivia and I might come up with an answer. But math? Let’s be realistic here.” “Oh, you’re so useless.” “I resent that, but if it would keep me from answering your question, then thank you.” I smile at her. She sticks her tongue at me. “Now you’re just being childish,” I say. She glares at me. “…But cute. Childish, but cute,” I quickly add. “You better know it, mister,” she says pointing an accusing finger at me. I stick my tongue at her. “Oh, you’ve grown a backbone, I see. So that’s how you want to play it,” she says while raisi

(Here's something I wrote back in 2005. I stumbled across it again while reviewing my friendster blog and thought, "Hey I like what I wrote." Nhinya thought it was nice, too, and to me that says a lot. So I'm reposting it here. Makes me wonder if I should've used all 9 free electives on creative writing subjects to sharpen my skills, so  to speak.) Someone called out my name and I looked up from the book I was browsing. I looked over the bookshelf and I saw her looking back at me. I replaced the book and walked over to the best sellers section, where she stood. I smiled. She smiled. And like we had always done, we suddenly broke into laughter. It had been a while since we last met and besides the corporate get up we wore, nothing much changed. “Wow, you’re wearing heels,” I said. “Office policy. It makes me look tall, doesn’t it?” she grinned. “Yup. Before you only reached up to my chin but now you’re up to my ear. Great improvement.”

Stupid MyHeritage.com! I tried four pictures and three out of the four churned out matches with girls. I look 70 percent like a certain Miriam Yeung, 82 percent like Michelle Williams and 72 percent like Tata Young. The only consolation I had was an 80 percent match with Chad Michael Murray. Aaargh! I look like a girl!